I have a lot of studying to do…
I need to learn jokes. I need to read comics. I need to see hilarious YouTube videos and ridiculously silly photos.
I need to develop a fully functional sense of hummus, and fast.

The truth is: No, I don’t. I already have one, and a fairly good one at that.

What I need is to stop worrying about whether my next joke will strike a bad chord with someone I’ve never met and will probably never meet because I’m too self-conscious to try.

I need to stop waiting for confirmation that my latest humorous thought will sound “socially acceptable” (aka “normal”) enough to my audience to find funny, when the only way it wouldn’t is if said “audience” has no taste for random/goofy jokes. Tough crowd.

I need to stop counting the times I’ve said something I felt was funny, only to be looked at as if I’d grown an additional five heads. I need to stop expecting that reaction.

I need to stop spending hours editing and modifying a joke in my head to make sure it’s understandable enough, to the point where I find that not only has the final, OCD-polished joke lost 99.9% of its comedic value, it no longer resembles the original joke.

What I need *deep breath* is confidence.

*long pause*

Anyone wanna share? 😦

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PS. Yes, friends and readers, this is why my Harry Potter fanfictions lack a humorous side. I do have funny thoughts, and people actually used to say I should be a stand-up comedian, but due to this self-conscious thinking I’ve developed in recent years, those jokes almost never make it to another person’s ears. If I were to try stand-up comedy, I’d probably cross out every joke in my act before the show even began. I can’t help it. If I could, believe me! I would.

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